Tag Archives: blogging

My first love

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So my very first love, is actually with my ex I now live with… He was not my first boyfriend, first kiss, first… Something else, but he is my first love.

I loved him, I still kinda do. He means a lot to me and gets me to smile. Life goes on however and I don’t know what the future have in store for him and I. But with everything we’ve been through in these three years, It’s been happiness… He made me so happy. He did nothing wrong it’s just different paths we’re going though. There’s not much I can really say more about this right now. Sadly this is all… I wish I could write something more but my hand hurts…
I’ll be fine.

Top five places I’ve wanted to visit

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I’ve never been thinking about places I’d want to visit, I’ve never been the person to really want to go somewhere because I know I never will go visit a places. So there probably wont be anything too exotic or anything…
Well… Let’s start! Read the rest of this entry

Very first heartbreak

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Very first heartbreak

Why hello, this will be a fun subject to write about, my very first heartbreak. It’s a non-romantic one actually. But I remember it was my very first real heartbreak, it was so painful I still kinda can feel the burn yet today. But that’s because I’ve had similar heartbreaks, but still.

I was about… I don’t know but I think I was in second or third grade. It was a real best friend break up. Let’s call my best friend Emilia, and the other girl I’ll be mention Josse.

It was one break after lunch I ran out to catch up with Emilia who’d actually been acting somewhat weird and distance lately. I finished my lunch so I could go out and play with her in the woods like she and I always did. Instead of me finding her she caught me and said she wanted to talk, she had Josse with her and they took me to one of the rooms the school had and closed the door. They stood and asked me to take a seat, so I did obviously, and also not so oblivious to the situation, I was still kinda prepared on what would happen.

When I sat there and looked at then, Emilia put her hands together and looked down to the floor for a while before she looked over at me with somewhat of sad eyes but not out of sorrow but pity, I hated it. I hate to be pitied like that, it’s just terrible. So me kinda knowing what was coming she then would say “I don’t want to be best friends anymore.”. It stung, it was like a huge stab right though my heart, and then whatever stabbed me would pull out and this cold wind would pass the bleeding whole of emptiness. Pointing over to her new ‘best friend’ she looked at me both of them and Emilia would say “Josse is my new best friend.”.

Yes, it was so cliche movie break up! It really was it felt like me and Emilia had been like an official couple and she found someone else and would break the news to me like that. I laugh at it now because how like I said, cliche the moment was, and to make it even more fun.
My reaction was really the ‘I’m the man in this relationship’. I just looked at both of them before even saying anything, there was nothing to say I kicked away the chair before I left completely shot open the door and slammed it shut, rushing away. And she tried for a single second to follow me. But she gave up.

I was sad, I really was it was painful, everyone in my class then was paired up, they all had a best friend they hung with but me, I was the one sitting alone watching over the playground and just… Being me. I had a few friends who’d come to me and ask if I wanted to play with them so I wasn’t completely alone, I just didn’t have a best friend anymore is all. And if it was now, I wouldn’t have let her hurt me as much as eh did, she was never really a good friend to me. But it’s fine now, it’s been a long while and I’m alive! See? Everything is always fine in the end, now I have something similar like that to deal with… But…

I’ll be fine!

Shows I’m following

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Shows I’m following

There’s no shows I’m really following at the moment, I’m not that into things like that actually if I’m to be completely honest. But I do watch Game of Thones… Only pretty much. I’ve tried pretty little liars, true blood and stuff like that, it’s not that I don’t enjoy watching them, it’s just that I’ve never gone down to really continue watching… I like both of the shows, it’s just I don’t find the interest in continuing especially if no one’s with me.

But game of thrones is something I currently following…. But that’s about it… Maybe I should give other shows like PLL and TB another chance? I don’t know. Meh I figure it out.
I’ll be fine.

Unfinished challenge of all time

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There’s been this challenge I’ve always wanted to do, for a few years, I’ve always started it, I’ve come pretty far like… Less than a week and stuff, and this time I really want to finished and do it. It’s a 30 days challenge! And for those who don’t know what that is, it’s a challenge for 30 days, aka, a whole month. There’s a subject you get to write about each day, a specific subject like. 1, top 10 favorite songs. And you have to write about that for that day.

So I felt like I wanted to write about that all of the sudden. But seeming as it’s the first of December it would be a great start. December is also however 31 days so I think I’ll make it 31 days challenge and to make it even more fun and annoyingly difficult for me, I’ll create the challenges all on my own! My very own December blogging challenge, I’ll probably not going to be able to do it but I like to try, it’s something that will keep me busy in these harsh boring world. So I’ll just have to try to figure out 31 things for me to write about. It’ll be a busy day for me, indeed.

  1. Challenges
  2. Shows I’m following
  3. Very first heartbreak
  4. My first love
  5. Current favorite songs
  6. My break ups
  7. My current relationship
  8. Favorite current YouTube video
  9. What I look forward to
  10. Someone I miss
  11. My safe haven
  12. Future plans
  13. Comic I’m reading
  14. Book I’m reading
  15. My favorite food
  16. A old post
  17. My family
  18. Favorite season
  19. Favorite holidays
  20. How I prepare for Christmas
  21. My best friend
  22. 25 facts about me that you may not know
  23. Five of my greatest fears
  24. Marry Christmas
  25. Post about my day
  26. Thoughts about this month
  27. My biggest dream
  28. 5 Weaknesses
  29. 3 Secrets
  30.  30 Random facts
  31. New years

In love

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In love

I feel very very unsure about writing about my love life just yet… But I have so much in mind, right now I feel torn but I know how it’s gonna end. There’s this on guy who I love, above everything else. But then there’s this one who I’m in love with and actually wanna be with, and because I’ll be moving, I’ll be moving closer to the guy I’m in love with. It’s just a little over a month till it’s time for me to move out, move on… And now I have to do this thing where I have to plan and think about my future, and it’s difficult… Cuz I like to take one day at the time so this thinking ahead scares me especially when I have no idea what I will be doing. I just know now I’ll move to my sisters but I can’t stay with her forever, so what will I do? Try to find a job…? I have no experience, but I guess everything have to start somewhere. But I have no education, maybe I should become a hobo… No, that’s not fun. Shouldn’t joke like that.
This is getting a bit off track from the subject of being in love… I guess I’m over thinking it, but if it wasn’t for love I was feeling I doubt I’d actually go through with the move, and I know it will happen, or is about to happen cuz I’ve already ordered my passport and It will just be a matter of days till I get it.

I’ve always been this hopeless romantic, everything with love just interest me, so if there’s a blog, vlog, or post or anything about love… I’ll be on it. But romance have never been a problem for me as it is now. But I’ve put myself in this mess, I have to sort it out. I strongly believe I can and it will all be good in the end. But leaving my first love, the one who’ve taken me in, done everything in his power to make me happy, it’s selfish and I have being selfish. But the thing is I have to go, be me. And I know there will be a lot of heartbreaks and hardship coming my way. But I also know that I will never be alone to do them, I have my friends and people who care for me. And I’ll be always there for them aswell.
I don’t feel as scared anymore, I feel confident and I feel lighter… So with that being said, do not worry for me
I’ll be fine!

Broken Charger

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Alright so last night I would have written so much more about Lordy but my changer broke to the computer so I didn’t have much time left so it had to end in short notice. Anyways, I had to live about less the 24 hours without a computer and it felt like a life time! Haha. Well my ‘roommate’ took me out to look for a new one, it’s loose AF and ugly but it’s a charger, it’s something and it works.

First when we went to check the first store it was like closed… For got, no more, had this boards over the windows and all. JUST when you need it too you know? So I got depressed so he took me to McDonalds  and got me some fanta and chicken nuggets! Then we went back to go shopping for food and check one other store first and they had a charger.
Also seeing everyone Christmas shopping got me pretty sad, cuz I know that I’ll be spending both Christmas and New years alone. No friends, no family, just me. But I guess it’s not really that big of a deal, I don’t believe.. But I like Christmas and New years, it’s the only two holidays I celebrate. So it will be just me and Christmas. I’ll make the best out of it. It’s alright.

I’ll be fine.

Lord-y friend

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Lord-y friend

I once stopped deciding to make close friends because I knew how painful it was to lose them. But after a few years of shutting myself in I decided to make some friends, of course it was online friends… But something. I met one friend I liked a lot, I felt comfortable with him and he was just one of my best friends I felt. We talked everyday, shared stories and links. I was always there to listen to his rants, give opinions and advice or just say ‘I understand’, cuz I did. He was one of the persons I loved to talk to, look forward to the next chat and so on. One day we had a bit of a misunderstanding and he got angry at me and I was so confused I tried to figure out what was wrong and what I did… I don’t remember what he said but it kinda just made me very sad so I just close my computer and left it like that for a little over an hour and when I went back in again I got a message from another friend, let’s call him Rick… So, Rick pretty much as soon as I got back again messaged me and asked if I was alright, I told him everything and he just spent the whole night with me, talking about what happened and he trying to cheer me up.

Next day I tired to talk to him again, another kinda mild fight broke out with my friend who we will call Lordy. I really wanted to get out what I was feeling without him taking it the wrong way… After a while of talking, I decided it was best for me not to talk to much and I rather just get things right again. But we made up and talked about it, he felt bad for the misunderstanding but I told him I understood how he felt and forgave him… However whatever happened with me and Lordy, Rick always got to know. And Rick didn’t like Lordy at all, but I shrugged it off….

Later in out friendship I got to hear from Lordy that he liked me, a bit more as a friend and… Idiotic me, told Rick everything Lordy said to me. And Rick didn’t like it one bit, he didn’t really believe it, I think… But I shrugged it off, scolded him whenever he said something back because Lordy after all was one of my dearest friends… Once he gave me a lecture (lordy) a few actually.. And I told Rick about them and he kind of had enough so he told me to put us in a group and I did.. Another mistake I shouldn’t have done cuz Lordy didn’t like that I’d shared the things he’d said and told me how I’d broken his trust, ect. And I know I did, I feel ashamed of it and I tried to apologize but a sorry is not enough, I don’t know what is.

Rick and my sister told me a few times what a jerk he was that he only wanted in my pants and didn’t really care for me. I always got angry when they said something like that. But Lordy have ignored me big time, and… I really really miss him, so bad. But I kinda believe them now, for someone who said they cared so much and how much I meant to them, they have so easy for themselves to just ignore me and throw me away out of their lives. I believe them when they say he never really cared for me. He told me otherwise, but I haven’t been proven that… But that doesn’t matter anymore what I feel, it’s in the past and it’s something I now have to get over. It’s hard, he meant a lot to me and after a fight we once had I sent him a video and he said “I was never king” but I don’t think he ever realized how much of a king he was to me… Now.
Now he’s a jerk, a jerk that I’ll miss, that’s for sure. But I’ll cope. I have those who really care for me, and will support and help me.

But even if he was a jerk at the times, there’s moments I just miss, like spamming songs back and front, relatable, non-relatable. Talking about the past, fun memories and things that might happen.
Meh.

I’ll be fine.

It’s a start

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Alright, I’m just gonna start off by letting you all know that I’ve never been too good at knowing how to start things like this.

So, I will just start off by saying that I’ve wanted to make a blog, a serious one for once, and this will be my try to do so. I wish I would have started years ago, then I wouldn’t have needed to say so much. But I’ll start off little at the time.
I’m currently living together with my ex, we recently broke up because of future plans, my plans is not to stay here where I live. I’ve wanted to run away from this place for a long while, for many years and my ex that I live with now knows that, but instead of kicking me out, he’s letting me stay with him till it’s time for me to go. I’ll be going to England to live with my sister for a time being, to clear my head and to actually be getting out of here that I’ve wanted for so long now, and I can’t take him with me. He got a life here, school, plan and a future… That I don’t, and I rather go explore before figuring out what to do with myself.

I live with him because I was kicked out of home, my mom apparently had enough of me for never doing anything for her but that will be for another time maybe right now  can’t help but not give a fuck about her and her opinion. But about me… I’m a 19 year old, I’ll turn 20 next year in April, I have four sibling I’ll probably bring up one of these days. There will be so much to bring up but this will be it for now I suppose. Nothing too grand, just a quick look through what’s going on right now. I think it’s a good start.