Tag Archives: breakup

Very first heartbreak

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Very first heartbreak

Why hello, this will be a fun subject to write about, my very first heartbreak. It’s a non-romantic one actually. But I remember it was my very first real heartbreak, it was so painful I still kinda can feel the burn yet today. But that’s because I’ve had similar heartbreaks, but still.

I was about… I don’t know but I think I was in second or third grade. It was a real best friend break up. Let’s call my best friend Emilia, and the other girl I’ll be mention Josse.

It was one break after lunch I ran out to catch up with Emilia who’d actually been acting somewhat weird and distance lately. I finished my lunch so I could go out and play with her in the woods like she and I always did. Instead of me finding her she caught me and said she wanted to talk, she had Josse with her and they took me to one of the rooms the school had and closed the door. They stood and asked me to take a seat, so I did obviously, and also not so oblivious to the situation, I was still kinda prepared on what would happen.

When I sat there and looked at then, Emilia put her hands together and looked down to the floor for a while before she looked over at me with somewhat of sad eyes but not out of sorrow but pity, I hated it. I hate to be pitied like that, it’s just terrible. So me kinda knowing what was coming she then would say “I don’t want to be best friends anymore.”. It stung, it was like a huge stab right though my heart, and then whatever stabbed me would pull out and this cold wind would pass the bleeding whole of emptiness. Pointing over to her new ‘best friend’ she looked at me both of them and Emilia would say “Josse is my new best friend.”.

Yes, it was so cliche movie break up! It really was it felt like me and Emilia had been like an official couple and she found someone else and would break the news to me like that. I laugh at it now because how like I said, cliche the moment was, and to make it even more fun.
My reaction was really the ‘I’m the man in this relationship’. I just looked at both of them before even saying anything, there was nothing to say I kicked away the chair before I left completely shot open the door and slammed it shut, rushing away. And she tried for a single second to follow me. But she gave up.

I was sad, I really was it was painful, everyone in my class then was paired up, they all had a best friend they hung with but me, I was the one sitting alone watching over the playground and just… Being me. I had a few friends who’d come to me and ask if I wanted to play with them so I wasn’t completely alone, I just didn’t have a best friend anymore is all. And if it was now, I wouldn’t have let her hurt me as much as eh did, she was never really a good friend to me. But it’s fine now, it’s been a long while and I’m alive! See? Everything is always fine in the end, now I have something similar like that to deal with… But…

I’ll be fine!

In love

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In love

I feel very very unsure about writing about my love life just yet… But I have so much in mind, right now I feel torn but I know how it’s gonna end. There’s this on guy who I love, above everything else. But then there’s this one who I’m in love with and actually wanna be with, and because I’ll be moving, I’ll be moving closer to the guy I’m in love with. It’s just a little over a month till it’s time for me to move out, move on… And now I have to do this thing where I have to plan and think about my future, and it’s difficult… Cuz I like to take one day at the time so this thinking ahead scares me especially when I have no idea what I will be doing. I just know now I’ll move to my sisters but I can’t stay with her forever, so what will I do? Try to find a job…? I have no experience, but I guess everything have to start somewhere. But I have no education, maybe I should become a hobo… No, that’s not fun. Shouldn’t joke like that.
This is getting a bit off track from the subject of being in love… I guess I’m over thinking it, but if it wasn’t for love I was feeling I doubt I’d actually go through with the move, and I know it will happen, or is about to happen cuz I’ve already ordered my passport and It will just be a matter of days till I get it.

I’ve always been this hopeless romantic, everything with love just interest me, so if there’s a blog, vlog, or post or anything about love… I’ll be on it. But romance have never been a problem for me as it is now. But I’ve put myself in this mess, I have to sort it out. I strongly believe I can and it will all be good in the end. But leaving my first love, the one who’ve taken me in, done everything in his power to make me happy, it’s selfish and I have being selfish. But the thing is I have to go, be me. And I know there will be a lot of heartbreaks and hardship coming my way. But I also know that I will never be alone to do them, I have my friends and people who care for me. And I’ll be always there for them aswell.
I don’t feel as scared anymore, I feel confident and I feel lighter… So with that being said, do not worry for me
I’ll be fine!